I CAN MOONWALK!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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