Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
why is half of my head shaved?
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