Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
