She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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