i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
