So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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