Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
