She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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