Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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