i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
4 words: hood of his car
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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