You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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