Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
