i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
