Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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