so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
