I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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