I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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