Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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