I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
