A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
