I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
