therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
