I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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