dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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