you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are the jesus of drinking
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
