We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
