he thought i was a dude.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So. Much. Porn.
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