My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
