i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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