all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
