I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
