turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
