Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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