I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
