The maid of honor just puked.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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