i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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