A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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