how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
