omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me