You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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