Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
