Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
