I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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