Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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