I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
