Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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