he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
