Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize