It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
