when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize