he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
