that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
