your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
