Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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