Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
