You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
