A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
