That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.