Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.