what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.