I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?