the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.