He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she peed on how many people?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You are the jesus of drinking
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
