So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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