I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
