There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
