So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
