I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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