I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
