I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
