Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
