bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
