What did we do last night that was yellow?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love you.
Bad choice
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
