Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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