Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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