i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
