that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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