Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
