My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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