he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
