were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
