You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
