I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
