My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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