I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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