I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
