mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
