Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
